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Dear Member:
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| 04/05/2007 |
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How long should you know someone before getting engaged?
Post date: 2006-12-11
Answer
Considering marriage after only knowing someone for a month (or a few months) is the stupidest, most impulsive mistake two people can make in a relationship. To answer the question, you should be with the person however long it takes for you to know them inside and out. You need to know how they are in every aspect of life--not just their hobbies and their favorite color--and this takes time. I can't give you an exact time frame because it is different for everybody, but I have found that for most couples it takes about two years for both people to completely reveal their true colors to each other. (Even when you think you know everything there is to know about your partner, there is still more generally all the way up to the two-year mark.)
Sometimes a couple feels they just "know" after a short time (like a few months of chatting on the Internet), but for such a couple to live happily-ever-after is statistically rare. Most often, such relationships will end in divorce. If I had to put a minimum on how long you should know a person before becoming engaged, I would say one year. Take this with a grain of salt, however--for some it takes longer. Some people say "when you feel it's the right time, it's the right time!" I have never heard a bigger crock in my life. It's not always about what you feel; the heart can be very misleading. You should listen to your head as well.
Answer
I agree that it depends on the couple... that being said, I definitely think it takes more than a month or two to really get to know that person inside and out. I knew after just being friends with my boyfriend for a couple months that he seemed perfect for me and I could see myself marrying him. It wasn't like a crush, it was so different, I knew I loved him. He felt the same and we started dating and everything has been amazing. We've been talking about getting married after only dating a month, we are still planning on getting married after now being together for 9 months, but we're not so naive that we think we're ready to do it now. If you love someone you should love them enought to give them time to really know you in all situations of life and they should love you enough to do the same... If you're gonna spend you're entire life with someone then what's an extra year of dating, why rush something that you'll probably enjoy more when you really know someone?
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My fiance and I started talking online last february(2003) and we were engaged on March 21(2003)...We both knew that we were meant to be together! I knew that he was the man Id been looking for all my life and he'd been waiting for me too. I told him so much about myself between the time that we started talking to the time we were engaged(and I normally don't tell anyone anything personal).I knew he was my soulmate...He lives in Michigan and Im in Ontario,but we are together! So if you feel you know the person well and love them deeply(more than you've ever loved someone before) then you know that there is no time limit...
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My fiance and I only met in september and he asked me to marry im in november. We are planing on having a Marine wedding in June. He lives in New mexico and I live in Nevada. Crazy but love never waits.
Answer
You should date someone at least 2-3 years before thinking of getting married. Six months is not enough time to know someone well, to establish a friendship with his family, or to acquaint yourself with the other person's lifestyle or future plans. If you love him this much, another year and a half of dating shouldn't terrify you.
Answer
If you feel its the right time, its the right time! I met my husband in November of 1994, moved in with him 2 months later, and became engaged a month later. We married in August of 1995 (less than a year after we met)And Im happy to say we are very happily married after 8 years of marriage. Of course alot of people tried to tell us it was too soon and it wouldn't work out, but obviously they were wrong. We knew it was right for us and we were meant to be together. Follow your heart!!! Best of Luck!
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You should know someone at least 2 years before getting married. Engagement is not a big deal, because it is just a tentative plan to get married that can be broken off with less emotional, financial, and social damage. Whatever you do, do not live together before marriage.
Answer
Well I have met someone online and we have been together for about a month. Now Hearing that, all of you would probably say too soon to even think about future. I here many people saying 2 years at least. Now why does 2 years give you enough time to know someone? If I was to add up the time that he and I have spent on line chatting and our late night phone calls, a rough estimate would be about 200 hours. Then on the weekends when we are able to get together you can tack on at least another 60 hours. We have talked about our past marrages, what went wrong, what we want out of a future marriage, talked about our future dreams, wants, and goals. We even talked about sex and not just the basics, we talked about our likes and dislikes, when should be the first time and so on. We talked about evrything! Then we tacked our skeletons in our closet. We let each other know the side of us we needed to work on. So How can anyone say that 260 plus hours aren't a pretty good basis. I feel if you take the time to get to know someone by asking the right questions there is no particular time anyone can put a recommended number on. Hey a couple can spend 2 years together but thats no guarentee that the important subjects have been discussed. So for all of you out there wondering if its is too soon only you can answer that. You can only know if all of yours and his questions have been addressed and delt with. So my advice is to not ask anyone if it is too fast, ask yourself, and if you are questioning it then, it probably hasn't been enough time and some more questions may need to be answered. People married for 20, 30, 40, years get a divorce so its not the amout of time spent it is the quality of time you spend getting to know one another. So all you out there trying to come up with the majical number good luck because therE is not one. Trust what is inside of you and go with it. Life is too short. Just remember marriage is untill death do us part, through the good times and the bad and this is the person I will spend the rest of my life with. As you see them now. And remember if you do not like something about your mate do not expect it to change once you are married because it won't. You take that person for who they are not what you want them to be. With all that said, I'll bet you will have your answer. GOOD LUCK!
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I feel agreeable lost in this situation myself and I do agree it depends on the couple. I have been dating my boyfriend now for over 2 and a half years. there is no question I want to marry him. We've lived together for over a year and are very good together. he agrees and states he has the same feeling. The man has bought the ring six months ago, asked my dad 2 months ago and just still hasn't asked me. I feel he will in good time, but I still can't think what is holding up my parade. I understand a man must be financailly secure and comfortable, but when you make good money and just can't give good reason for waiting, what's the dish? I guess i'm starting to fall into the category of tired of waiting. If the "right time" never comes along will I feel the fool for waiting so long? I love him and want to be there til the ends of our lives together, but I feel I might not get that either if this doesn't move along soon. It is always the hardest part being on the waiting end while he controls the future of the relationship.
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I think it depends on the couple. I knew my husband was my soulmate on our first date! We had known each other for years but never dated. We went out on New Year's Eve 1998 and were married on Feb. 12, six weeks later, and I've never been happier and he says the same.
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I'm only 22, but I believe I've met the man of my dreams. He is everything I've ever wanted and dreamed of. We confide in each other things we haven't told any one else, and we are currently struggling through a long-LONG-distance relationship, as he lives in Barcelona and I'm in Toronto. We met in Glasgow where we were both doing an exchange and discovered sides to ourselves and each other that I'm sure have something to do with 'changing' that usually dooms relationships from the start. Knowing someone for 11 months as it stands now and dating them for 8 is good - understanding your future together is better. I think we're ready to get engaged now, but we'll wait to get married. Whether it's 4 years or 8... I'm not ready to tie myself down, but I -am- ready to say yes. Do you think this is wise?
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It all depends on the people. I was with a man for 5 1/2 years and we never really talked about getting married. After a few long-term relationships like this, I met my husband and I knew right away this was it. I just knew it, and I had sworn off marriage! We were married less than a year later. One issue is age and maturity... when you are young and haven't really figured out who you are, you may not be ready to pick the guy you'll spend the rest of your life with.
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Know yourself and your future partner before rushing in. There are plently of helpful websites and books on tieing the knot. I think 6 months is the bare minimum. Spend lots of time with your mate doing what you both "normally" do and see what happens during the stressful times. It could say it all. I wish you all luck.
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I would have to say, each person or couple has it's own speed, i know me and my boyfriend after only about 2-3 months together, we know we are going to get married....But both of us agreed that we were going to wait ,till he was out of the Marine's and I was out of college....but even after being together for 5-6 months, i'm still learning a lot about him that i didn't know...and i feel i'll be learning for the next few years.....SO even though, i would love to get married now, i know that it is better to wait.... Sometimes you have to follow your head, but most of the time follow your heart....Hope everything works out
Answer
In today's world the amount of time you should wait before getting married is 6 months. This is what we are told by society. Knowing God, and what his plan is may effect all of the theories that are out there. We have a plan, but GOD PLAN is what counts. If it be his will, then it can happen before six months. It's not just about how deeply in love you think you are. In every aspect you should be a spirit filled individual. See what a persons number one priority is. When you meet, if they put God first that is a start. I mean if they are a true believer. See, we put things together on our own,it wasn't God's plan. Pray and ask God to order your steps. Before marriage you like a person, you have affection for them. See how they are when the storms come. If you can ride the waves when the storm comes, and you can keep on keeping on no matter what, this is a sign of true love. We are all here for a reason, we all have a God given purpose. When you are on that path of righteousness, the path in which your place is here on this earth, what you are here to do, then that's how you will know, God sent it to you. God wants you to have his best and to not SETTLE. This was written in hopes that it may help someone, surching for answers. Thanks
Reply to this answer: Well, that is definately a wonderful opinion for someone who believes in God, but your advice would not apply to people who are not "true believers." Just wanted to add that thought.
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my fiancée & I are been talking in the net for almost two years.( it's a very long distance relationship I live in the Philippines while my fiancée live in Minnesota, he visited me once in awhile) in the first year, we both agree that we don't get into the relationship first. We made to the point to have the friendship foundation. When the trials came I lost a contact with him for about six months. I never stop thinking & praying that one day he would show up and said "HI" again. And thanks God he really did! Now we were in 10 months of being engaged & starting planning for our upcoming wedding day. Well, the important thing into the relationship both partners we should build up a strong foundation of being a best friend & a best lover. The only two of you knows what the real score is. But YES! I agree of long-term relationship that's the time you will start learning each other before going to the other chapter in your life together! Hope lot of American couples realize how important marriage into our life. Take note, marriage is not a hot pan cakes when you don’t feel eating it…you can throw it away! Please be reminded marriage is sacred!
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I beleive time does not make a difference. If your ready, then you will feel it in your heart and you would not have to ask that question. I was married to someone I was freinds with for 2 years, then started dating and was engaged for another year. We were married for 12 years when he cheated and it feel apart. SO...now I have been with someone I met over 10 years ago, that I was reunited with. We have been together for 7 months and I can tell you, the love between us is stronger that anything I EVER felt with my previous marriage. If I was to get married tomorrow, I truely beleive it would be forever. I think it has to be between YOU and YOUR PARTNER to know when is the RIGHT time. Others cant really tell you, their situations maybe different. So, basically your heart will know when is the right time.
Answer
I think you should give yourself time and be patient and at least give it a year at least. To see how this person react to different problems that life brings. Think about your standards and don't give in to someone just because you don't want to be alone or you feel that you want it now. If you love this person and this person loves you this can only mean that you both can be 1)patient with one another, 2) Your love for one another will grow stronger, and If it will be it will be, and 3)You both need to pray to God and have God in both of your lives as well. This is in order for you to be strong for each other. But always remember NEVER STAND FOR ANYTHING LESS... YOU ARE WORTH THAT AND EVEN MORE. Remember that!
Answer
I'm also 22, (turning 23 soon!) and my boyfriend has been discussing marriage with me. We figured by the time I'm out of grad school and about what month we want to get married, it won't be for another 1.5 years. We're almost at two years now. My friends keep telling me it's bad to wait and I must admit I'm a little anxious. They think it sounds like we are putting if off. But we both want to get married. Do you think it's bad to put if off like this?
Reply to answer - No, I don't think that it's bad for you to wait another 1.5 years to get married. The main reason why you would NOT want to wait is because you don't want to spend 3.5 years with someone who does not want to marry you, only to find this out at the end. But if your boyfriend is already discussing marriage with you and would like to marry you, then this should not be a problem. On the other hand, there are several very good reasons why postponing your marriage would probably help it in the long run. First, you are fairly young at 23 - marriages after 27 or 28 now have the highest success rate - and you will learn more about yourself in the next 1.5 years. Second, it is always easier to start marriage slightly more financially stable, and so if you want to finish school first then I think that's a great idea. If you already know that you both want to get married, I'd say it's worth waiting for this fellow - finish school first (you can start planning your wedding in six months anyway) and then get married. If for some reason you're not sure if he really wants to get married (but it sounds like he does) then you might point out that you'd like a ring soon (in the next year) to make it official :) But that's between you two. Don't worry about your friends' worries - that's really only applicable when the guy is marriage shy and it's time to figure out whether to stop wasting your time. Good luck!
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I notice alot of people saying that you need to have been seeing someone for X amount of time to know or understand them. The truth of the matter is that it doesn't matter how long you have been seeing somebody in relation to how well you know them. You will never know enough about them to make a 100% decision. We take our whole lives just trying to understand ourselves, so there is no chance you can ever understand or know somebody enough to be sure of any decision you make about them.
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Oh dear. I have been dating my boyfriend for four years, and he talks about marriage all the time...but gets defensive when I ask about an ultimatum. Granted, he has crap-for-relationship-models, and a dad that keeps telling him not to get married, but I'm getting fed up with the wait. I love him very much, and he loves me, but I want a family. I guess what I'm saying here is to figure out your priorities and then determine a timeline to meet them. Then take it into your own hands. Or, you could just leave it to God. That's what I'm trying to do- it gives you peace if nothing else.
Reply to answer - Four years would be too long for me if my boyfriend was gun-shy about an ultimatum. I think that you deserve to be married if that's what you want, and to know if your boyfriend doesn't want to get married. That way, even though it is incredibly heartbreaking and awful pain, you can still move on with your life and eventually will be ready to meet someone else who has the same priorities and goals as you do (marriage and/or little kids). Your advice to yourself was actually quite good: "I guess what I'm saying here is to figure out your priorities and then determine a timeline to meet them." I would suggest that you set a personal time-line for yourself (personally, I'd say a ring in six months, wedding in 12 months) and let your fellow know. This is not an ultimatum that anyone wants to make, so it's not as if you're a bad person for saying what your requirements are. It's just that at some point you have to make sure that your needs are getting met. There are many people who sit around FOREVER with a guy before they realize that he'll never commit. There is NOTHING wrong with saying what your goals are for your life, including your family life, which includes marriage if that's what you want. I'd be very straight up with your boyfriend about what you want and suggest that he think about whether you are therefore a truly good match. It's not about your feelings for each other alone - it's also about your priorities in life. I really really hope that this does make him realize that you deserve the respect of an answer and that he knows in his heart that he wants to marry you and proposes. Sometimes shaking things up is just what a guy needs to make him realize what he needs to do. But I think that you must be true to your goals for your future and be willing even to lose him if he does not share the same goals (i.e., marriage). This is NOT about manipulating your boyfriend into getting what you want (i.e., a ring and a wedding). This IS about setting your own boundaries and goals for yourself and checking with him about his and then determining whether you are compatible. This will save you a lot of time and heartache - and if he's the right guy for you - will speed things up a bit too! Good luck!!!!!
Answer
In the adult world, you should honestly wait at least six months, unless the baby is crowning from your crotch and you need insurance coverage--which is sad.
If you don't be fair to the both of you and if you don't wait at least six months, you could be very sorry. Everyone can be on their best behavior for awhile, but the real problems that exist, should their be any, usually can't be hidden for longer than six months. If you think you won't make it by waiting six months, that says a lot too.
Reply to answer - "Crowning from your crotch?" Watch your language!
Answer
I would say at least a year. When my boyfriend and I first got together, we thought we were perfect for each other. There was a very strong temptation to elope. We couldn't think of a single reason not to get married. However, we resisted the temptation, and I'm glad we did. After a year I have learned a lot about him, and have serious doubts as to whether he is responsible enough to be a husband and father. I still hope to marry him someday, but I'm glad I didn't right away! I am 25.
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My girlfirend says you should not be married before you've:
a) travelled together b) had a fight (not just a lover's quarrel) c) met his/her best friend d) met family members.
i think that makes sense. certain situations and people bring out the best/worst in others. these are crucial situations and people that should always be a barometer for what kind of person you're with
Answer
I'm 19, almost 20. My boyfriend just turned 24. We have been together about a year and a half. I have a strong urge to be engaged, but not married just yet. I believe that a couple should be engaged one to two years before tying the knot. It helps in two ways one be playing married you get to deal with the real life issues that come up as a couple and how you deal with them, two easy escape, nothing more shameful I believe then divorce. Make a smart decision, I am trying to. Even though I want it so bad I know I have to set up my life first with school and work and know who I am. A couple who waits too long will be doomed. The woman is fragile to not acknowelege her needs hurts the relationship. Make a smart decision, don't get married, have kids, and play house befor you decide it is not for you and you weren't ready.
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This really does depend on the people involved (and of course their maturity) but let me share my story briefly with you. June of 2003 I met a man online. We wrote each other every day and pretty soon the phone calls were hours long daily. I flew out to meet him in November 2003. We agreed to pursue the relationship. At the end of December he came out to be with me and proposed Jan.2,2004. We then started to make plans to be married. I thought I knew him. He was sensitive and caring. A wonderful man....until we had our first quarrel. He could not handle arguments and by April 2004 he called it quits. We stayed friends, even planning to reconcile for the next 8 months until I realized that he was keeping me on the back-burner just in case. We finally stopped talking this last October and 1 1/2 months later, he married. My point is.....you can talk til you are both blue in the face, you can spend hours writing to each other but until you spend real quality time together, you can be setting yourself up. Body language is what...80% of communication...do you ladies truly believe you can see that online? I've learned my lesson. Some people just want to be married..period. But if you want quality with a true soulmate...wait it out. If he/she loves you...they'll wait.
Answer
Anyone asking how long is the right amount of time to know someone before getting married...should not be getting married quickly. Anyone worrying about whether their engagement is too long or short based on what their friends say...should not be getting married quickly. I like the comments that were made about traveling together, having a fight, meeting the best friend & family...and I would add to that, each of you should have a clear picture of what kind of life you want to have individually and as a couple, and you should have discussed careers, kids, education, finances, again, finances, religious/spiritual values,etc. You don't have to agree, but if you can accept and understand where each other stands and the room still lights up when they enter it and smile at you...you're good to go.
Answer
Well here's the thing. If you know the person well, and you love them deeply... time is nothing. Just the same as we say "age is nothing but a number" time works the very same way. The love of my life and I met originally 2 years ago, online- but we didn't really talk and that fell apart quickly. Then, in June 2004, he and I started talking again. We fell in love very quickly and talked about anything and everything. Since he is in Australia and I am in America, we decided to meet up in June/July 2005. February 6, 2005 he asked me to marry him. Yep- that makes it today! I'm completely 100% in love with this man, and we've only really gotten to know each other over the past 8-9 months. So I believe that if your heart tells you it's right, it is!
Answer
The time should not be less than 1 month but not to exceed to 2 months. If you don't know by then you never will.
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Each couple is different I dont think time is the essential answer here, it is based on how your relationship progressed. I myself am recently engaged to a wonderful man I have known almost my whole life but have been dating only 5 months.
Prior to that I lived with someone for 6 years and had a child with him, yet never had the urge to marry him.
It really depends on the question, one thing I will say is I will not live with my fiance until very close to our marriage which is two years away. I think living together causes couples to get too comfortable and the time passes quickly and marriage gets pushed aside.
Answer
I am dazed and confused. I have been with my guy for over 2 1/2 years. For me it was love at first sight. We have lived together now for almost 2 years. I absolutely want to marry him and thought he wanted the same but I am beginning to loose hope. He says he loves me and I love him, he is very financially secure and I have a great job and get paid very well. I even have all my teeth and keep myself looking nice for him. To be honest I have done everything right. My mistake was letting him move in with me when I bought my home. Now it doesn't appear that anything will ever change. Maybe he isn't the one after all.
I agree with everyone that says there is no special amount of time to know someone, when it is right, it is right and only the two of you will know. I was with a man for 6 years, moved in together after 3 months, and became engaged a month later, had 3 children together and loved him a great deal but never really enough to say lets finally get married, It all ended suddenly when he died 2002, Since then, I have met a few guys online, never really nothing that felt right but recently I have met a wonderful man (online)it has only been about 2 months but I can already tell this will stand the test of time, Its something you will know, but it has to be a mutual feeling, and you shouldn't base your life on what family and friends may think, cause when it comes down to it in the end your the one who has to live the life you chose.
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I know this has been said before, but I am a firm believer in waiting until you are SURE. No one can dictate if that will take you one year or seven years, but these people getting married after only knowing someone a few months seem a little rash to me. I can understand falling hopelessly in love with someone after a short period of time, and I can understand that feeling of relief at having finally found that one person who completes you... I'm experiencing that myself right now. However, if it is REALLY love and you are REALLY sure you want to be together forever, what's the rush? If that person says they want to support you for the rest of their life, they will still be around in a year or two. Extended engagements just seem like the best idea, especially in a world where so many of our marriages end in divorce. What's the hurry?
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The only advice I will give is follow your heart. If you sat down and listened to what your head was saying all the time you would miss out on alot.
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To the women who are waiting to be asked, if you feel the time is now, perhaps you should do the asking.
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I think time knowing each other is not relative in this situation more time knowing yourself. At 22 my advice would be wait until you are at least 28 and been on your own for a while and know yourself. At 36 after being in long relationships and even married and set in my profession and financially if he is the same and we are in love 6 months may be fine. I feel it is the individuals personal time not the calendar.
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I realize that there are some that become married within just a few months of knowing each other and have very successful unions. But for the most part, a few months isn't long enough to get to see your partners core character set. I give credit for successful quick marriages to "luck". Infactuation can last quite a while, easily a year or more. It all depends on the amount of time together. If you have been together for just a few months and the relationship has been rather rocky and inconsistant during that time, common sense would say to wait and see if things settle down. Why marry during a storm. Marriage usually doesn't fix problems. I'm not sure about the statistics on time before marriage but my opinion would be 1.5 years after the engagement is better than lets say 4 months. The engagement alone tends to set a different stage in the relationship and brings about different situations. Sometimes the engagement alone causes people to let their guard down allowing the other to see their potential mates true side. Getting engaged early isn't so bad however. It's the marriage step that you should be worried about. And yes, divorce happens 10, 15 even 20 + years after marriage. But that's usually not due to not getting to know someone initially. Marriage is not a science, it's an emotion. And with emotions comes complexity. No magic number here, just odds.
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Wow, I can actually say that, yes, it takes two years, maybe more to be sure you want to get married. I dont care about how much you talk to a person online, phone, ect. You just dont know a person until you've spent a lot of time together, or to even learn how to be comfortable to NOT talk. You have to learn eachother's pet peeves, and that can take awhile to figure out in itself. So many marriages end in divorce, and most of them are because they entered into a committment too fast, too soon.
When it comes to love, only one poem comes to mind-
Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two. - Captain Corelli's Mandolin
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I read once that the average time between the first date and the wedding is 2 years and 4 months. Statistically speaking, the lowest divorce rate is found among couples who were married after this average amount of time, and the further a couple is away from this time, the higher the statistical likelihood of divorce. The rationalizations made for this are that couples who marry after only a short amount of time may not know each other well enough, or may be confusing infatuation for lasting love. Where as couples who go longer amounts of time without being ready to make the decision, might be settling for relationships which are not as good. Of course, statistics are not a good basis for making decisions. Just because most couples who get married at 3 months are making a mistake doesn't mean that 3 months isn't the right amount of time for some couples. Just because most couples who wait 5 years to get married have settled doesn't mean that 5 years isn't the right time for some couples.
But they are good things to watch out for.
Have you settled for something less than you want or deserve? Is that why you weren't ready to tie the knot earlier?
Do you really know each other well enough? Do you know how the other will respond in a variety of circomstances? How do you know that your love will be lasting? What is the basis of your trust for one another?
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Its actually up to you. Try not to rush into things because Marriage is a thing for life, except divorce is an option for you. Make sure you love this person with everything in you, make this person your best freind and true confidant because later on in the marriage if the love is not as passioante as before , you will still love him/her as you love a friend and all other things are added on.
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I am a very devout catholic, so take this for what it is. I think I would like to make an analogy before giving my personal answer. My brother is a priest now, for the last year and a half. When he entered the seminary he was 17 and straight out of high school. He had thought a little a bout studying theology and philosophy, and basically went in the seminary thinking that it seemed interesting and our community really needs it. He said he was about 20% sure of it at the time. 7 years later he was ordained. He says now that he cannot even imagine a life not being a priest, it is who he is and who he always was, he just didn't know it yet. Of course at first, he was excited about it a bit, and was studying things very interesting to him, etc. But that died down and that is when he was truly tested to see if he really was called to be a priest. To give it a better spin, say when you meet someone you have that 20% thought that he might be the one. SO you date for a while, becoming more sure, and eventually coming to realize that you can't imagine being with anyone else. It took my brother probably most of those 7 years before he was sure, but he made the commitment. He felt called and pulled into one direction and trusted that it was for a reason. If a couple feels called to marriage in any amount of time, it may be for a reason. Love calls you to be married, Lust calls you to have sex. If you feel like you want so much more than just the physical part of a relationship, than it may just be love.
I don't think that there is a majic number that gives the amount of time, but I do think that if its taking years and years that something is up. After a year or two you have seen the person full circle through all seasons and all occassions, or even twice. If you don't know by then if they are the right person, maybe they are not?
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"How long should you know someone before getting engaged?"
I allow for each person to make this decision for themselves.
In my opinion, if you haven't known the person prior to dating for several years. Then at least 1 -2 years would be a good start.
Best Wishes...
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while this largely depends on age, maturity, and a variety of other factors, the average dating time, before getting engaged, among mature adults is 9-12 months. This is an adequate amount of time to get to know each other, see how your partner reacts in a variety of life experiences, understand their backgrounds, values, and how they will conduct their lives as both an individual and a spouse.
I advise younger couples to have long engagements (at least a year).More mature couples (30 yrs. and over) who have been around the block a few times and have greater life experiences do not need such a long engagement.
Anyone who gets engaged in just a couple of short months is fooling themselves. YOU MUST SEE SOMEONE THROUGH A VARIETY OF LIFe AND EVERYDAY EXPERIENCES in order to know if this is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with!
Particular experiences include: -how does this person react to cirsis? (death, severe illness, accident)Do they empathize? Or, are they removed? Can you tolerate this?
-how does this person react to you when you are having a minor spaz (ie: jsut lost your keys, phone, or something valuable to you) Do they jump in and help you find it? Or, do they marginalize it?
-how do you feel about this person's family? (You do NOT have to love the family....most people do not have wonderful feelings about their in laws...however this is where your partner comes from, and it is important to know that he/she will likely follow footsteps of parents/siblings/etc.
Good Luck!
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I always felt that you have to wait, but that is always cause I have been with the wrong guys. If you are with someone and you feel that they are who you want to spend the rest of your life with...WITH NO DOUBTS, then get engagaed, married, have children whenever you feel it is right. Do not go by what anyone else says. Never live your life by other people's standards or opinions. Only you and he know how you feel so play off those feelings.
I know a couple that met in December 02 and were married in January 03. They are still together. I met my boyfriend in Sept. 05 and we are still dating. We both have fallen in love with one another and agree that we want to be married one day. It is beautiful when love is mutual. :)
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Reading all the intriguing questions and responses, the question I once had became answered immediately. Being engaged does not have anything to do with time spent--but of course, how much you know that person and love that person is important.
I am not engaged yet, but I know that my boyfriend is going to propose soon. He was the one who brought the issue up, he was the one to ask me what I would say if he asked, and he was the one to say he wanted to settle down with someone he trusts and loves. I am so lucky it's me. I cannot wait until the day he pops the question--it will be the best moment of my life.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year on Feb. 19. Is it too soon to be engaged? No. I hardly think so. My parents they dated for 4 months before becoming pregnant with my sister--they were engaged in November, married in December. One month later! I won't marry until after graduating from college, becoming more financially stable... but the one concern I have?
I will be marrying his son too. My boyfriend had a child from another relationship (his ex girlfriend) and he's a 2 year old boy. I love him to death, but instead of thinking if I'll be a good wife, (which I know I will) I'm afraid I won't be a good stepmom, even tho I want kids of my own someday. So what is your advice? I'm only 22. My boyfriend's 32. But I'm madly in love. And I know he is too.
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I think that if it's right, you will just know it. Im very young and already know i've met the one for me, i think when you've been through a lot you know when it's forever...good luck and follow your heart even if logic says its wrong, however if u have to ask maybe ure not sure xx
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I think the question should be changed to "How WELL should you know someone before getting engaged?".
You could know someone for 10 years and not really know them. I'm not saying to jump into marriage, what I'm saying is that it depends on a lot of factors. First, you must go through the steps of different types of relationships with them in order to know them in all aspects of life, not just within your relationship. You need to become friends first, then observe them within a group setting to see how they interact with people, and then one on one, and then intimately through the stages until the person is comfortable talking to you about pretty much anything. If you have any doubts at all about the person, they're probably the wrong one for you. Trust your gut. Don't let yourself fall into the trap of "oh, once we get married they will change" or worse, that you are just in love with the idea of being married and not the real person. Cause they won't change unless they want to, and being married isn't all it's cracked up to be, but then neither is being single. There are pros and cons.
I know people who say they are ready for marriage but still gawk at every person of the opposite sex. To me, that's not marriage material. So try not to ask yourself how long and attach a date to it..... measure it by quality time spent with the person and observing them around other people. Get to know their goals, dreams, objectives, opinions, and health and mind. Get to know their habits. Set your personal boundaries and see if this person falls within them. Of course nobody is perfect and no relationship is perfect, but if you have the same goals and the same priorities, and the same values in life, this is the biggest thing that I have learned so far that is most important. Trust and love and all that follows along if you can establish that they are headed in the same direction you are. It's not how long you've known someone, it's how well you know them. Some people can say they've known someone for 10 years but they may have only spent about a week of quality time with them, within that 10 years. What about the other 9 years... what did that person do? See my point?
Hope this helps some.
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I usually think about one year minimum is good, however my grandparents were married within six months from the time they met, and they've now been married for 56 years, and still have a very healthy marriage. I agree with the people who say it depends on the situation. My boyfriend and I have been together for close to eight months now, and we are in the process of looking at engagement rings. Honestly, I knew almost instantly that he was the one. For some people, it can take longer to realize it, but sometimes when you know something, you just know.
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You should know them for long enough that you know how they would react to almost anything, including very traumatic situations such as loss of job, property, a disaster, loss of a child, etc. If you feel you know everything about a person after just a few months, you may be surprised to find otherwise. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years, and we thought we knew each other well after just a few months and probably did. However, there are still things that we are glad to have discovered about each other that pop up from time to time. We plan to marry after graduation, which is about two and a half years from now, and by then we will have known each other for more than four years. In the end, I think it matters not so much to have a set time for how long to have known them, but what stage of life you are in when you're considering getting engaged. In my opinion, if you are older it might be a shorter period of time than if you are young. For me I know that being a student has a lot to do with it, since education is important to me and to my family as well as to my beloved. I would recommend most strongly, however, that people who don't know each for a long time before getting engaged give themselves a period to continue getting to know each other before they get married OR have children. I have seen too many people close to my age (20) who are heartbroken at the end of a seemingly perfect relationship to think otherwise.
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