What are some clues that your marriage is in trouble?


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What are some clues that your marriage is in trouble?

Post date: 2006-12-11
Clues to a troubled marriage
The fact that you are asking is probably a hint that your marriage is indeed in trouble.

The best way to approach it is to confront your partner. Look into the following - Do they seem distracted? Has their behavior changed? Is there some outside stress that is maybe bothering them? Do you suspect an an affair? - and be straightforward in asking.

Finally, just be honest with yourself. A troubled marriage usually is felt by both partners. Can you honestly say you've been completely happy? The answer is probably right in front of you. Good luck!

More input from FAQ Farmers:

DO YOU YELL AT HIM THE MINUTE HE WALKS THROUGH THE DOOR? ARE YOU ON THE INTERNET ALL NIGHT? IS HE?WOULD HE RATHER BE ANYWHERE ELSE THAN WITH YOU AT HOME?

My husband and i have been married for 13 years and we have nothing in common. So he says he also has told me that he hasn't forgiven me for some thing i said to him in the past and pretty much he doesn't trust me. He says he does but from the things he says i know very well he doesn't. We have 4 beautiful children together. I've never ever given him any reason not to trust me. I gave him back my wedding ring and told him that we should file for seperation. As i started to walk away from him he said babe put this back on because even if we do file for seperation you still have to wear this wedding ring. He tells me I love you and and that he loves me but how am I to feel? If anyone can give me any kind of advice it would be greatly appreciated. Muneca

I no longer want him around, and I do not miss him. I believe that my personality changes when we are together. I am more tense and angry. The biggest clue was when I was trying to figure out if I can financially afford not being with him. Obviously, I was serious about leaving.

Some know in their gut or suspect it, and then some had NO CLUE that they were about to get a divorce because the other party had his or her own thing going on.

Some signs: New clothes or new style of clothing. Usually if someone is cheating or thinking about it, they will start taking better care of their body. Do an internet search on how to check the history files and cookies of your computer and operating system as well. Has their taste in music suddenly changed? Do they have a cell phone that is a minute phone? Is there a key for a post office box you didn't know that other person had? Is that person seemingly spending more time with "meetings" and friends then in the past? These do not always mean something is up, but it does mean to be on your toes.

Decline in sexual attraction - very noticable when pattern of sexual intamacy has changed. Your spouse no longer turns to you for pleasure.

Time one on one diminishes. You no longer spend time together alone.

When was the last time your spouse told you they loved you? If its been some time that would indicate perhaps there is a problem you are not aware of.

Sleeping in another room.

I know that my marriage is in trouble. Has been for years. I was married once before and divorced. I know the signs. I am miserable, but at the same time I know how hard the whole divorce process can be. Both financially and emotionally. It's very hard. When I got my first divorce 17 years ago I only had a 2 year old daughter to worry about. I remarried 12-1/2 years ago and now have two beautiful sons, ages 11 and 6, with my husband. I would rather do anything than to be in the same room as my husband. I work part-time, around his schedule, and boy am I glad when I have to go to work!! He has always had emotional issues, but either they have only gotten worse or I have become less tolerant. I never know how he's going to react to any given situation. He is not abusive but when something is bothering him he gets very quiet and will not discuss what's wrong. He goes to work every day and when he comes home he usually does nothing. He has always been a big TV watcher. He does very little with the family, of course he never has. I honestly do everyhting!!! Inside and outside of the house. Then he has the nerve to complain that I spend time on the computer when there is housework to be done. When I ask him to help me he says tell the kids to help you. Why should they when he sets such a fine example. Don't mind me I'm just totally frustrated. I have read everyone else's answers and I can totally understand where you are coming from. I suppose the main reasons that I stay are: he has never cheated on me (I know this because he if he is not working he's on the couch), at times he can really be a sweet guy and a lot of fun, has never forgotten our wedding anniversary and he does give me the freedom to pretty much do whatever I want (although most times it's either alone or with the kids). Perhaps that is part of the problem. I do put the kids needs before his.

I have a good marriage. And I plan to have a good marriage for the rest of my life. What I will say may disturb some. Stop being big babies. Really. It is not that I don't understand that some difficulties can exist. But it sounds to me that many that complain that their marriage is not working out all have a common thread. They are not working at being close. If someone was they would get a reaction from the other person that would be more positive. Nobody is perfect. If you are having problems with the present mate you have you would most likely have problems with any future mate as well because when their imperfections become manifest you will most likely respond the same way. again. Learn to look past the annoyances work more on loving the other person for their good parts, I don't mean sex that is not love just a small part of expressing love. If you are quick to complain about the other person then you most likely do not love that person from your heart. The problem usually is not just one person it is both when they give up on each other. Any who truly loves someone will not give up and would certainly not lose that person. Marriage is about sacrifice exerting yourself for the other person not seeing what you can get. If you give you will get back something good. Always remind yourself of the good things about your mate. Why did you marry them? think about it. If you are having trouble now work hard at making it better so what if you have to exert yourself your mate is all you have in this world.. And so much heartache will be avoided that comes with seperation and divorce. I think many just do not work at loving the other person in marriage and that is why it becomes something selfish. No wonder it deteriorates. Work hard to prevent this.

I know mine is in trouble, but we are trying to sort it out, it all started when he lied about a txt he got.. I snooped yes snooped his phone to find it was from his female employee.. since then ive had this feeling something was up. Anyway finally a week later i asked him if he still loved me, he said "he doesnt know but he doesnt think so" well that stumped me, coz our sex life was still good and we still got on really well. I asked him about his employee and he said I have nothing to worry about there, he only lied coz he didnt know what sort of reaction id give him.. but since then we have decided our marriage is worth saving, we have 2 young kids, but our passionate kisses in bed have stopped, I try to kiss him but he reverts his face, and the only kisses I get from him is a quick peck on the cheek.. lucky if thats once a month. Anyway again he got a txt and although he told me it was from his employee he lied on what she said, i noticed he was nervous so i snooped yes snooped again, to find she had sent him a dirty joke. I confronted him again, and he told me i was a jealous teenager and i should grow up. I honestly dont think hes having an affair coz the sex between us is still nightly, (just no kisses) and since then ive asked him his exact feelings towards her, and his answer was, I like her shes a good kid, she has some points about her that I like, that you havent got, but I never have and I never will have an affair with her.. I have to believe him, but I have no idea how to get our kisses back. Asking him wont work because he never answers or changes the subject. (ive asked him 5 times) I try just kissing him, but he turns his head or manages to give me a quick peck. He knows I love his kisses.. I would love to know, but I guess I just have to go on and wait and see, its just hurtful when he turns his head. I love him and always have loved him. To me I always thought once the kisses stop your relationship is in big trouble.. Any ideas on how to find out without having to ask him yet again? hes getting impatient with me about it i think.

If you ask him, all you are doing is giving him ideas to go cheat on you. All you have to do is be quiet and watch.